Dearest Ballbag & Surrounding Area,
I sit here writing this on the day before my Vasectomy. First let me
just point out the fact that I am actually sitting. Comfortably. On a wooden
chair. I don’t think I will have this opportunity for the next week or so to be
comfortable on wood. But I digress…
Anyway, I’m not sure really where to start on this. This day has been
in the works since Oliver was born. Like most things in my past, I’ve
procrastinated this (arguably too long). However instead of putting you off
like some paper in college where my grade might reflect the lack of effort and
last minute rush, procrastination of this event has rendered my wife prego with
our 4th kid and will no doubt be reflected on our bank account. However,
I have to think you (and the man upstairs) had bigger and better plans for me
than a mere 3 kids. I am going to trust that and go with it.
I am not one to dwell on the past or look back on things. However, I do
think an event such as this warrants some retrospect. We have been through a
lot together. Not too many close calls, zipper incidents, or blunt force
applied. It has been a good time for the most part. Way to go.
I would like to also thank you
for your seemingly relentless reproductive qualities. It’s a really redeeming
quality about you and I am sorry for removing it. My kids are really awesome
and I appreciate you making some of the best genes this side of the
Mississippi. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be a dad and have had all the
experiences that come along with that.
I’d also like to take this time to briefly thank the NCAA for creating
March Madness. I will be a basketball expert by the end of the weekend.
Your Buddy,
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