If you are like me, you haven't bought anything for your wife/girlfriend/partner/whatever for Valentine's Day yet. If you have, your "other" has already hand picked it out and told you to buy it. Sound about right? Well for the majority of us that don't have anything already, didn't pay attention to the clues our wives has subtly dropped since Christmas, and work best under pressure: this post is for you. I am going to attempt to give you some good, last minute gift ideas that you can take care of this weekend.
First off, if you don't pay attention to anything else I say, GET A CARD. Yes its common sense but its overlooked constantly. I think it took me at least 2 years after getting married to understand that no matter what the holiday was that a card goes a long way. Yes, most of them are poorly written and have lots of swirly flowers on them but its the effort that counts. Also, take 5 minutes to actually write something in the card besides your name. Chances are you won't be able to compete with the carefully crafted, sappy poem on the inside, but more than likely your better half isn't going to expect a dissertation on your undying love. Just class it up a little better than this guy. This is easy and is worth more points than you can imagine.
As for gifts, Its probably too late to buy anything online and have it shipped unless you are willing to pay for overnight delivery. Plus, that's too easy. Its about the effort. So after reading this, get off the computer and hit the pavement.
The gift of Text - I don't care who you are shopping for, but everyone could use a book. Whether your wife likes to cook, decorate, or play Dungeons & Dragons there's a book out there for her. Being that my mother-in-law works for Barnes & Noble, I prefer that store over the others. Also, one of the hottest gifts out there is an eReader. Barnes & Noble has the Nook. It looks awesome and you can have around 10,000 books or magazines at your disposal. Ahem, if any B&N folks are reading this, we would love to review the product for you, ahem.
The gift of Booze - I would like to think I have a good grasp on our demographic here, and I would wager a guess that 95% of you enjoy the devil's brew. So, why not give booze as a gift? I'm not talking about a 6'er of Natty, but a nice bottle of wine or liquor. If you haven't figured out your eternal drinking buddy's favorite bottle, I can't help you. Howeverr there is a win-win scenario for you with this gift. You get to make someone happy (win) and get buzzed (win) at the same time.
The gift of Clean - This one is so simple. Unless you already have a live-in maid, your house is dirty... somewhere. My wife is very particular about how things get cleaned in our house. I have recently been granted my Bathroom badge, but I still can't do the job that she does. That being said, I shed a lot and she gets tired of cleaning. So, if your wife is burnt out on cleaning, call up a maid service and have them get to work. If your house is already clean, her car isn't, guaranteed. Take 20 minutes and run it up to a car wash and be sure to vacuum the inside.
That's 3 easy ideas that will put you in a better position when March Madness (i don't know how to put the copyright symbol here) comes around. Now this being a blog on the internet I couldn't finish this article without giving out at least 1 internet based idea. So, consider this last idea your ace in the hole if you need it.
The gift of Produce - I am legitimately upset I didn't think of this. Fruit My Cube is a weekly service you can sign up for. For $9.99/week you get fresh fruit delivered to your home or office. Its a great way to give someone a year-round reminder of how awesome they are. Disclaimer: this site only services close to St. Louis, MO but I bet there are others like it. If not, you can pay me royalties for giving you the idea for your new business.
Have any other ideas for the Wayward Man? We'd love to hear them in the comments section. This is an alliance after all and we are here to help each other out.
-S
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Last Night, Six and a Half Years Ago
Today I drove past the restaurant where I got engaged to my amazing wife, which has since closed. It made me a little sad, but better them than us, right? Anyway, that made me think of the email I sent out the next day, which I'll share here.
From: Jamie Oswald
Sent: Thursday, April 29, 2004 2:30 PM
Subject: Last Night
After much fanfare and bally-hoo, I got engaged last night. No date is set, probably sometime around next May.
As a disclaimer, it may get cutesy below, so if you aren’t into that sort of thing, you should stop reading…now.
To start out, I should say that Becca is romantic, and I am not. Our entire relationship is basically like that video for “Opposites Attract” with Paula Abdul and the animated cat. Knowing this, we had been talking about getting married for a while, and I, knowing that I would have a great propensity for screwing up all things romantic, made her promise me that if I asked and it wasn’t perfect, then she should tell me, and I would ask again. I figure it isn’t that big of a deal for me (I just want to be engaged to her) and I really want her to have the kind of memory of this event that she wants. Plus, I figure, if I screw it up once or twice, it will be that much better a story for the grandkids. I can’t really explain anymore what I did next; all I know is that it seemed like a brilliant idea at the time.
Let’s break momentarily and let me give all of you who may one day consider proposing on a golf course a couple of words of advice.
To make a long story considerably shorter, we immediately talked about my indecent proposal and decided that wasn’t the right way, so, true to her word, Becca kept her promise (and I had made her promise), and I took the ring back. I am still very, very happy about that decision. Grandkids’ story: check.
Now, having to propose twice presents one especially interesting logistical obstacles. It is impossible to surprise her. She knows it is coming, she is antsy, she has seen the ring, and she wants it. So, you have to balance out holding her off and coming up with a way to get to a romantic spot without her thinking it is for a proposal. This is where my mother came in. She gave birth to me on a very convenient date 27 years ago yesterday. Thanks, Mom! So, I had an excuse to have her out, and have reservations, and get a private room at said restaurant. I also asked her three different times what we were doing on the 29th, which is the day after my birthday, which was nice, because she did not see anything coming on the 28th. So, after working with her family, the restaurant, and my jeweler for 3 days on it, it was finally go time.
We went to dinner at Rich and Charlie’s, an Italian restaurant out by where she lives. We walked in, I said I had reservations and it was my birthday, so they led us into the back room. At this point, all I had to do was keep it together until the show started. The waiter came in and got us some drinks, and I proceeded to “not be able to decide” what I wanted for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he brought in a vase with nothing but greens in it and set it on the table. Becca thought it was weird, but assumed that they had just forgotten our center piece. I had her right where I wanted her. A minute or two later, he came back in with a ring box and a red rose. He knelt down and gave her the box. Right now, reading her face, I can tell she’s thinking, “He’s having the waiter propose to me, I should have just said yes on the golf course.” Inside the ring box was no ring, however, just a note. A minute later, another server came in with a box and a flower and another note. Then another server, and another server, all with little notes like “I adore you,” “You amaze me,” or “I love your butt.” After 6 servers came in, her brother’s girlfriend Valerie came in with a box and a flower. Then Becca’s Mom’s husband Ed came in. Then her brother Zak. Then her brother Sam. And finally her mom. Her mom came in with two roses and gave me the white one. After Becca had opened this last box, I got down on one knee, gave her the last rose, which had a note on it asking the big question, and I let her open the ring box with the actual ring. She said yes. Or possibly “yep” (there is some confusion), but the second time around definitely took. We all had dinner together and had a great time.
Anyway, I just want to say that I’m really glad that we didn’t just stop with the golf course. This is a much better memory, and story, and I love her to death and just want for us to make each other happy for the rest of our lives. I know I’ve been kind of rough on those of you were already married or engaged, but now that I have found that perfect someone for myself I completely understand.
And, if you think I’m a big girl now because I got all sappy, at least I warned you at the top.
Love you, Jamie
So there you have it. A bit of nostalgia, a bit of romance, and a bit of me being too lazy to create new content.
From: Jamie Oswald
Sent: Thursday, April 29, 2004 2:30 PM
Subject: Last Night
After much fanfare and bally-hoo, I got engaged last night. No date is set, probably sometime around next May.
As a disclaimer, it may get cutesy below, so if you aren’t into that sort of thing, you should stop reading…now.
To start out, I should say that Becca is romantic, and I am not. Our entire relationship is basically like that video for “Opposites Attract” with Paula Abdul and the animated cat. Knowing this, we had been talking about getting married for a while, and I, knowing that I would have a great propensity for screwing up all things romantic, made her promise me that if I asked and it wasn’t perfect, then she should tell me, and I would ask again. I figure it isn’t that big of a deal for me (I just want to be engaged to her) and I really want her to have the kind of memory of this event that she wants. Plus, I figure, if I screw it up once or twice, it will be that much better a story for the grandkids. I can’t really explain anymore what I did next; all I know is that it seemed like a brilliant idea at the time.
Let’s break momentarily and let me give all of you who may one day consider proposing on a golf course a couple of words of advice.
- Unless you’re dating Annika Sorenstam, don’t propose on a golf course. Ever.
- If you are standing behind her at the tee with the ring, and she shanks it, you should abort the mission and go to secondary protocol.
- If you can’t spit anything out that sounds even remotely sweet, pretend like you have something in your eye and try again later.
- If you go ahead and propose anyway, and she says “Yeah” and then asks for another ball, go ahead and drown yourself in the nearest water hazard.
- Finally, don’t ever propose on a golf course. It may be unique, but sweating and cussing for 2 hours beforehand isn’t nearly as romantic as it may at first seem.
To make a long story considerably shorter, we immediately talked about my indecent proposal and decided that wasn’t the right way, so, true to her word, Becca kept her promise (and I had made her promise), and I took the ring back. I am still very, very happy about that decision. Grandkids’ story: check.
Now, having to propose twice presents one especially interesting logistical obstacles. It is impossible to surprise her. She knows it is coming, she is antsy, she has seen the ring, and she wants it. So, you have to balance out holding her off and coming up with a way to get to a romantic spot without her thinking it is for a proposal. This is where my mother came in. She gave birth to me on a very convenient date 27 years ago yesterday. Thanks, Mom! So, I had an excuse to have her out, and have reservations, and get a private room at said restaurant. I also asked her three different times what we were doing on the 29th, which is the day after my birthday, which was nice, because she did not see anything coming on the 28th. So, after working with her family, the restaurant, and my jeweler for 3 days on it, it was finally go time.
We went to dinner at Rich and Charlie’s, an Italian restaurant out by where she lives. We walked in, I said I had reservations and it was my birthday, so they led us into the back room. At this point, all I had to do was keep it together until the show started. The waiter came in and got us some drinks, and I proceeded to “not be able to decide” what I wanted for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he brought in a vase with nothing but greens in it and set it on the table. Becca thought it was weird, but assumed that they had just forgotten our center piece. I had her right where I wanted her. A minute or two later, he came back in with a ring box and a red rose. He knelt down and gave her the box. Right now, reading her face, I can tell she’s thinking, “He’s having the waiter propose to me, I should have just said yes on the golf course.” Inside the ring box was no ring, however, just a note. A minute later, another server came in with a box and a flower and another note. Then another server, and another server, all with little notes like “I adore you,” “You amaze me,” or “I love your butt.” After 6 servers came in, her brother’s girlfriend Valerie came in with a box and a flower. Then Becca’s Mom’s husband Ed came in. Then her brother Zak. Then her brother Sam. And finally her mom. Her mom came in with two roses and gave me the white one. After Becca had opened this last box, I got down on one knee, gave her the last rose, which had a note on it asking the big question, and I let her open the ring box with the actual ring. She said yes. Or possibly “yep” (there is some confusion), but the second time around definitely took. We all had dinner together and had a great time.
Anyway, I just want to say that I’m really glad that we didn’t just stop with the golf course. This is a much better memory, and story, and I love her to death and just want for us to make each other happy for the rest of our lives. I know I’ve been kind of rough on those of you were already married or engaged, but now that I have found that perfect someone for myself I completely understand.
And, if you think I’m a big girl now because I got all sappy, at least I warned you at the top.
Love you, Jamie
So there you have it. A bit of nostalgia, a bit of romance, and a bit of me being too lazy to create new content.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I need a new shoe company
Nike and I are sort of in an unhealthy relationship right now. I keep buying their shoes. They keep disappointing me. I keep buying more of their shoes anyway.
I can't totally blame Nike here. I'm clearly the codependent one since I'm responsible for 2 of the 3 steps in our vicious cycle, but I am still pretty unhappy about the whole bit.
My whole rant of the moment with them has to do with these shoes, the Nike Men's Air Max Total 365.
These shoes are sold as a cross between soccer shoes and training shoes. So they'd be ideal for someone like me who likes to kick the ball around with the aspiring Pele's in my house and then pretend like I'm going to go and run after that. Sounds like a great idea, combining the best parts of two types of shoes to build an uber-shoe that you would never have to change out, because it is perfect for EVERYTHING! Unfortunately, these shoes turned out more like when Daimler (a company renowned for quality craftsmanship with little innovation) bought Chrysler (a company who developed fantastic ideas and then built them poorly) and they started building boring cars crappily.
This shoe set out to do two things and failed miserably at both:
This was actually the second pair of Nike soccer shoes I got. The first pair (Nike Air Tiempo IC's)literally fell apart. When I sent them in to be looked at, because I had only worn them about 15 times and I didn't think the sole should spontaneously fall off, I was told they were made too long ago and they couldn't help me. When I wrote in to say that they really missed the mark on these soccer trainers, I was told I should have bought EITHER soccer shoes OR trainers. Grrrr.
In any event, these were obviously a bad buy on my part (fortunately, due to my charitable leanings I was able to find them a good home). Now what I need to do is find a comfortable pair of trainers that will give me a decent touch on the ball and isn't really narrow. If anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears. In the meantime I need to give them puppies an MLT.
And I'd love to find them in a non-Nike pair if possible. It's time to get out of this relationship.
I can't totally blame Nike here. I'm clearly the codependent one since I'm responsible for 2 of the 3 steps in our vicious cycle, but I am still pretty unhappy about the whole bit.
My whole rant of the moment with them has to do with these shoes, the Nike Men's Air Max Total 365.
These shoes are sold as a cross between soccer shoes and training shoes. So they'd be ideal for someone like me who likes to kick the ball around with the aspiring Pele's in my house and then pretend like I'm going to go and run after that. Sounds like a great idea, combining the best parts of two types of shoes to build an uber-shoe that you would never have to change out, because it is perfect for EVERYTHING! Unfortunately, these shoes turned out more like when Daimler (a company renowned for quality craftsmanship with little innovation) bought Chrysler (a company who developed fantastic ideas and then built them poorly) and they started building boring cars crappily.
This shoe set out to do two things and failed miserably at both:
- Soccer shoes - These shoes have an awful touch. They are all slick, so the ball slides off of them. They have a really pointy toe, and really tall soles so you can't get off a clean kick. They are even rounded all the way around, which is sort of a no-no for soccer shoes.
- Training shoes - These shoes are really, really uncomfortable. The air cushions are too stiff. The toebox would be too small for a four year old. They just aren't comfortable.
This was actually the second pair of Nike soccer shoes I got. The first pair (Nike Air Tiempo IC's)literally fell apart. When I sent them in to be looked at, because I had only worn them about 15 times and I didn't think the sole should spontaneously fall off, I was told they were made too long ago and they couldn't help me. When I wrote in to say that they really missed the mark on these soccer trainers, I was told I should have bought EITHER soccer shoes OR trainers. Grrrr.
In any event, these were obviously a bad buy on my part (fortunately, due to my charitable leanings I was able to find them a good home). Now what I need to do is find a comfortable pair of trainers that will give me a decent touch on the ball and isn't really narrow. If anyone has any ideas, I'm all ears. In the meantime I need to give them puppies an MLT.
And I'd love to find them in a non-Nike pair if possible. It's time to get out of this relationship.
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