Doing the Disney

Since I first became a father, I've told my wife that due to a myriad of reasons I'm going to go to Disney exactly once. She's welcome to take the kids back on her own, but I'm only doing the death dance with the mouse one time. Last week, it was time to pay the piper. I'm going to spare you all as many of the gory details as I can, but wanted to hand out some information for those of you who may be willing to let Central Florida make the beast with two backs with your wallet.

Souvenirs

Every ride at Disney dumps out into a gift shop, which is brilliant if you own Disney stock. I don't (although I may have an honorary share now). A friend gave us a great tip to save a little cash and crying and to tell your kids they could look at souvenirs all week but you would only buy stuff from the big store at Downtown Disney at the end of the week. I took a lot of pictures of kids with souvenirs all week, and then at the end of the week we gave each kid an allowance to spend at the big store. If you spend enough, they'll actually ship all of that stuff home for you, but our little soldiers wanted to bring it on the plane.

Time of Year

We went in February, which is considered off-season because it is one of the only one months every year that Florida experiences anything approaching "winter". This seemed like a very small price to pay when we were shooting through all of the rides without standing in a single line (the only delay was the distance you had to walk from the entrance to the attraction to actually board the ride). It seemed like a bigger price to pay when a third of your foot is blistered because you've been rocking soaking wet shoes and socks for three straight days.

Saw a lot of this.

In short, off-season is fine if you are prepared. The weather forecast we looked at before packing was 20 degrees off the entire time we were there, so we were not prepared.

Fast Pass

As stated, we were there in torrential rain the slowest week of the year, so often we didn't even use our Fast Passes. As soon as the sun came out, however, these were critical. It's worth investing a little time into this to make sure you are making the most of this.

Dining Plan

You will buy the dining plan, and you should. On your first day, you'll have no idea what is going on, and it will seem confusing and like it isn't worth it. By the end of your trip you'll be flexing it like a coupon mom and looking back at all of the money you saved. Pro tip: throw a couple boxes of Pop-Tarts in your suitcase for breakfast, which isn't included and which no one cares about.

The Food

I hear a lot of people talk about how great the food is at Disney. I didn't really feel it. Everything was competently made, I didn't hate anything, but I certainly wasn't blown away by anything either. It was all overpriced, but not painfully so (somewhere near airport, well below ballpark) and there was typically variety. The kids meals had relatively healthy choices (grapes and carrots were as ubiquitous as fries) but very limited choices. I was especially disappointed that in Epcot even though I could get a pretty decent Middle Eastern meal, my kids were stuck with chicken nuggets (which they dipped in my hummus).

Work on your upper body strength before heading down there.

Staying Onsite

We bought a package which made staying onsite a breeze. We flew into Orlando, got on a bus, went to our resort, checked in, our bags showed up a while later, and we were off to the park via a bus. I didn't have to worry about renting a car, or parking (which still requires a bus to get to the park) or figuring out a different hotel. Unless you are planning on doing stuff elsewhere, this is the way to go.

Pop Century

This is basically a dorm. I'm not entirely sure my wife and I could have laid shoulder to shoulder in the same bed. Also, combined shampoo and conditioner. Also, no pool towels. This was the cheapest place to stay at Disney, and it showed.

Booze

By the end of every day you'll be craving a beer. Have some, but don't get wasted - you'll have to be sober enough to get your kids home on the bus safely (which isn't hard), you'll be so tired you'll fall asleep anyway, and you don't really want to spend anytime here hungover. The exception? Epcot, which has beers for every country and very slow rides.

Alternatives

I wouldn't say I enjoyed myself. There were moments (taking two steps into the park our first day and watching the kids faces light up because we walked straight into a parade, my little princess meeting her first princess, etc.) but honestly I'm not all that convinced my kids loved it. Oh sure, it was better than sitting at home and hanging out in the basement (it's been a long winter) but I think if I gave them each $40 and let them loose in the arcade/food court at the mall they'd have been almost as happy.

$20 worth of tattoos made my kids happier than the thousands I spent getting them there.

As a parent, you're still obligated to go, but don't feel like a failure if you don't love it. Or at least don't feel like the only failure.

When the kids are away...

So the fates have intervened and my wife and I are childless until at least Thursday of this week. Which means "staycation."

Rather than waste the week blogging, I'm just going to enumerate the top 10 things I'd like to accomplish while I am sans kids. Some of these I've already done, some are still "to-do."

1. Sleep totally nude. Even for naps.
2. Nap.
3. Work as late as I want to, practices (which are no longer relevant) be damned.
4. Be as loud as I want to be during... Family Feud.
5. Decant wine (which will be dinner) in things I wouldn't normally decant wine in.
6. Watch Family Feud twice in a day.
7. Grocery shop with my bride.
8. Eat out every night, even though our pantry is full.
9. Brush exactly one set of teeth before bed.
10. Jury duty. Not exactly by choice, on the agenda nonetheless.

What you wild and crazy people do if you didn't have any kids lying around?

Date Night Double Dipping

The missus and I have been pretty busy lately. Two full-time jobs, four kids, and lord only knows how many practices and games and oil changes and dentists appointments and everything else we've got to account for. Suffice it to say, but it's been a LONG time since we've gone on a vacation with the family and a very LONG time since just the wife and I have gotten to do anything with just us.

Last weekend, we double-dipped. On both outstanding needs.

First up, we took the whole family "on a vacation" which masqueraded as a soccer tournament for our oldest. His team was good enough to win that weekend and ended up placing second overall.

Unfortunately when it came time to double dip in some hanging out time with just us, our room had been taken over.

I don't even know where to start with this. Or step, for that matter.

Necessity is the mother of invention, and the mother of all those kids had a great idea. Rather than stay in the room and wake the kids up, or head out and risk something going wrong, we just kicked in the bathroom, hotel par-tay style. An extra chair, an iPad with Trivial Pursuit loaded on it, and a hotel ice bucket full of beverages were all we needed to have a great time.

This is not quite 40.

In the end, great weekend, great sporting event, great vacation, AND great date night.

Bachelor Party Preview

Following a summer which included a fraternity anniversary tour, I'm heading to a bachelor party this weekend in Nashville. While this is technically a two day expedition, I'll only be heading down for Saturday night. What can I say? Between blowing all of my reserve allowance at the fraterversary and having a youth sports commitment on Friday night I'll be driving my own happy butt to Tennessee on Saturday morning.

To help psyche myself up, I thought I'd fondly recall some of my favorite bachelor party memories for you all here.

Actually that's a terrible idea (and that isn't even taking the statute of limitations implications into account). Instead I'll just list 10 stupid things I promise not to do this weekend.

1. Drive to the bars. My car will stay under lock and key at the hotel from the moment I arrive.
2. Drink Jagermeister. Unless of course it is dropped into a glass of Red Bull.
3. Dance.
4. Go all night without making up an absolutely audacious lie to at least one complete stranger for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
5. Sleep in a hotel room containing fewer than 4 other dudes.
6. Fantasize that I'm going to spend less than 30 minutes Sunday morning throwing up. 
7. Pretend for even one minute that I'm in a bachelor party movie.
8. Say "What happens in Nashville stays in Nashville, brah."
9. Eat a Panera Bread breakfast sandwich on my way home.
10. Keep anything from my wife (although she is sworn to secrecy).

And to think that some of you were worried about me.

Wearing this t-shirt is also on my to-don't list.

Jumping in a Lake: Family Vacation

I don't want to share with you the day-to-day, minute-by-minute, picture-by-picture account of our family vacation this year. That would be pretty boring for you the viewer/reader except for the part where we all agree that my kids are the coolest. No I won't do that to you. However being that this was my family's first real family vacation in 3 years, its worthy of writing a summary of the learning experience I've had over the past weekend. So here's my list of crap to think about next time you are planning a family vacation. I am going to base this assessment with the disclaimer that my kids are younger and have the attention span of most 3 & 5 year olds. In other words they get bored with stuff fast. Also I am assuming you don't have money you can burn on purpose.

1. Go somewhere you can drive - Flying is expensive and while it can open endless possibilities to where you can go, I really don't find the reward of any destination worth the cost and the stress of packing all the stuff in your house for a short period of time. Also in a car, its only you that have to deal with your kids. Its probably not worth angering strangers because your kid all of a sudden doesn't like her headband.


2. Go somewhere with water - A body of water to a kid is like a babysitter you don't have to pay (assuming your kids can swim or have a flotation device - Safety First). This vacation we went down to Southern Missouri around a national hub of washed up Country & Western stars, Branson, MO. Around Branson however, there are several large lakes perfect for all ages. We opted for what is arguably the nicest of them all, Table Rock Lake. By nice I mean a couple things: Clear Water & not a lot of boaters. Is perfect for families who don't want to be around a bunch hoosiers. We also visited White Water in Branson. This was probably the worst body(s) of water we visited. It was expensive and there were way to many people in bikini's that should have been wearing camping tarps instead. The rides were fun but my kids just weren't into them that much so we didn't go on too many of them. Finally, the hidden gem of the water this weekend was the community pool we had access to in our rental house. If we got bored we just packed up the kids and went swimming.
   
   [caption id="attachment_767" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="This is as good as it gets."][/caption]


3. Go with some other families in the same situation - Kids like to play with other kids and adults like to booze with other adults. As long as you can remotely stand the family and their kids, you are golden. The water will fill in the gaps. Luckily we went with 2 other families both with 2 children a piece. It worked out great. The adults we went with are normal people who don't let their kids go bat crap everywhere and the kids are kids that are as socially normal as our kids. It was great. (if you are one of said families reading this, this is how I compliment people. Not the most flattering way I know, but hey be happy you were even mentioned).


4. Stay in one house/condo/structure - This is mostly for the adults. With everyone under one roof, sure you have to live in everyone life, but the boozing when all the kids are asleep is worth it.
   
   [caption id="attachment_768" align="alignnone" width="195" caption="Adult beverages rule!"][/caption]

That's the down and dirty of how to have a fun family vacation. Now go get one in before Summer if over!!!! So like this weekend...