Monday, August 12, 2013

Stuck in My Own Seinfeld Episode

Remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry is convinced his dry cleaner is wearing his clothes? 

Well, I have a strong suspicion that one of my suits has mysteriously disappeared at the hands of an unscrupulous dry cleaner. Allow me to explain.

Two weeks ago, my closet revealed it was minus one suit. Since I only own(ed) two, that's a 50% reduction in suitage.

I own a black suit and a gray suit. The gray suit is the one that's currently MIA.

Upon my closet's revelation, I backtracked to the local dry cleaner. According to their records, I last dropped off a suit on February. Since I failed to pick it up within the 90-day period, they got rid of it. (They didn't say if they sold it, took it home or donated it.)

That sounded fishy. I pulled up some work photos, and sure enough, there I am wearing the missing suit on March 13 of this year.
Here I am wearing the gray suit on March 13, 2013. That's my boss, Frank Holdmeyer, on the left. Based on his facial expression, I can tell he's thinking, "That is one good-looking suit."
So, what's with the February claim? Either way, I was over the 90-day time frame.

Digging further in the closet, I noticed the lone black suit still had the claim tag on it. Same cleaner, but it was dated February 2012. A call to the cleaner revealed the records indeed show a drop off on February 2012.

My wife and I called several other cleaners in the area. No one has a record of me dropping off the gray suit.

That's when my wife developed her own theory -- I left the suit in the hotel. It's a good theory. Over the years, I've forgotten a pair of flip flops, an iPad charger, contact lens cleaner and a shirt or two.

Nay, I said. Not this time.

We scoured every closet in the house. Nothing. So, where is my lonely charcoal suit? Good question.

I maintain the cleaners liked what they saw and made it their very own. My wife says there's a 50/50 chance I left it in a hotel room. Either way, it looks like suit shopping is in my near future.

Oh, one more thing. This was a $100 suit separate special at Kohl's. So, it's not like I've lost a $1,000 Armani gem. But, still, for a man who only owns two suits, it's devastating. 

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