Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Christmas is Killing My Turkey

This year more than any other in the past I’ve been kicked in the nuts with more Christmas than I can handle. As I write this I should be excited for one of my favorite holidays, but I feel like it’s already an afterthought and this infuriates me off.

Thanksgiving is one of the greatest holidays of the year (better than Christmas but not as great as St. Patty’s Day). It is all about Family, Friends, Food, & Football. I can remember as a kid playing football with my family at my Grandparent's or eating obscene amounts of food at my Aunt's. I always looked forward to Thanksgiving because it meant that I didn't have to do jack until the following Monday. This year that awesome feeling of anticipation has changed a lot. I am being bombarded with what seems like death threats to get out and shop on Black Friday. Not by my wife either, its the global retail courtesans that are destroying the thrill for me.

As you will get to know me on this site I’m not against retail shopping in the least. In fact I probably enjoy it more than the normal guy, but the way the retail outlets are spewing it on me around every corner is making me reconsider my affection towards it. I get the fact that the economy needs stimulating, but there’s got to be a better way than the harlotry that is taking place on my television and radio. Oh yeah, the radio. One local radio station started getting into the act 2 weeks ago by playing 24x7 Christmas music. Already? I just don’t get it. I don't get why "they" believe that creating the season earlier is going to work for them, and I don't get why I am all up in arms about it this year either.

However, I am going to fight it . I am making it a point to procrastinate as much as possible when it comes to holiday shopping. This isn't a stretch for me anyway but at least I have solid reasoning behind it. I encourage you to put this off as long as you can without having to sleep on the couch. So, in the last remaining days before Thanksgiving, and hell maybe even a day or two after, can we all forget about getting some awesome deal on a toaster or the most technologically advanced TV? Just enjoy the people you are around on a holiday that doesn't care about presents, and eat like its your last meal.

Monday, November 22, 2010

The End of My Era

Last week I got myself snipped. It seems a little counterintuitive to use one of the first posts in a blog about "fatherhood" to go into not being able to father any more children, but for all we know my parents briefly considered "Counterintuitive" for my middle name before finally settling on "Samuel."  So, in this first post, we'll address the reasons I signed myself up for the big "V" (As an aside, when writing statements like that, is it appropriate to preface a capitalized letter with the term "big"? Seems redundant to do so, but it seems too subtle to not do so.) and the questions I'm assuming you'll have for me (based almost entirely on the questions I've been asked so far).

Why don't you want any more kids?

I have four kids, each of whom I love dearly, and I really wanted to not have to love any of them any less (as we all know, every man has a finite amount of love to give his kids, and he just has to keep spreading it out with each new child -- it's a scientific fact). Also, my kids seem to be getting dumber. My 4-year-old can count to 100. My 3-year-old can't make it past 20. Not exactly evolutionary progress.

Why not just keep on using the birth control you've been using?

I'm like a damned Special Forces sniper -- one shot, one kill. My wife and I have 3 kids together (the oldest of my 4 is my step-son; it's a little confusing, so I'll probably be sure to call that out anytime the math calls for it) and it never took us more than about 2 hours of trying with any of them (editor's note: that included dinner, a movie, and the cuddling after). I refuse to trust any sort of non-surgical, non-permanent method for the next 10-15 years of her being active.

Aren't you scared for your boys?

Hell yes I'm scared for my boys. Painfully scared, as a matter of fact. But I really want it done, and it is about 10,000 times safer for the man than the woman.

So what next?

In my next post we'll explore meeting the doctor for the first time. Please note the next post is now live.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Welcome to the SFA

This is only a test blog so don't form opinions yet.