Friday, December 21, 2012

Apocalypse Averted. Probably.

As you may have heard, the world was meant to end today.

Or sometime back in June. Or possibly next week. At this point it's all a little fuzzy.

As I'm sure you've all heard, the Mayan calendar ran out of gas today. Most have dismissed these claims. None of those people, however, saw the destruction rained down on my property last night.
Damage montage.
For those of you counting at home, I lost some siding (or fascia, or soffit, or whatever - I'm not a doctor), some Christmas lights, and the table on my deck absolutely exploded (an hour of Shop-Vacing barely made a dent in the mess).

In memory of my losses, and as a means to put off cleaning them up until after the world was safe, the family and I decided to hold a Mayan Apocalypse party. We ate Doritos  made tacos, invented the first ever Kiddie-Mayan-Rita and had hot cocoa for desert. It was practically pre-colonial Mexico at my house.

Or at least it seemed like it after the missus and I had a few Corona Lights.
Not pictured: Authentic Mayan Doritos (tm).
See you all tomorrow. Hopefully.

Friday, December 14, 2012


We'll be praying tonight for the families of the Connecticut victims.

I had obviously been horrified by the news as it trickled in all day. I thought about my kids. I thought about their little friends. It was a long day, and I was very happy to pick them all up safely after school, and we quickly got lost in discussions about their days and what we had planned for the weekend. They still haven't been talked to at all about today's tragic events.

On the way home we talked about dinner. I offered eggs, and my 6 year old asked for bacon. I said that we didn't have any at home, and he asked if we had the ingredients at home. We then had a very brief discussion about the food chain, including slaughterhouses, from which I tried to quickly change the subject.

I thought that I had done pretty well, when, a minute later, he thoughtfully said " I wouldn't want to know if I was gonna die. I'd rather be surprised and not have to think about before it happened." He was talking about the pigs. I turned up the radio and bawled anyway.

Tonight we all just need to pray to whomever we each are comfortable.

And tomorrow we need to start preventing the next time.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Crime and brother-ment

My rules for punishment are generally pretty simple.

  • The punishment should fit the crime.
  • The Constitution only forbids sentences which are both cruel and unusual, and I don't find that much unusual. 
  • I don't like to spank my kids, but if they push me to the point where I have to, they aren't gonna like it either. 
  • If you act up in front of people, you can expect to get reprimanded in front of people. Once you've embarrassed me, I've got no issue embarrassing both of us.
  • Don't think for a minute that I won't discipline your kids if they interfere with my day (and you are welcome to return the favor). 

I bring this all up because my oldest got in trouble tonight. Nothing bad enough to stain his permanent record, but a perfect opportunity for a life lesson. As such, he got one of his worst punishments ever, and he didn't deal with it well.

None of that was particularly adorable. The next thing to happen, however, was.

His little brother asked for a blank piece of paper and a pen. About 2 minutes later my wife got this note.

Prisoner's dilemma my ass.
Didn't spare anyone any jail time, but I'll be sure to bring this up the next time Michael and Lucas feel they need to feud over the last Pop Tart.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

You could have a worse meme maker

I like Facebook as much as the next guy, don't get me wrong, but all of these Some E Cards knockoffs are killing me. Tonight, after seeing approximately my 14,000th Victorian woman playing racquetball with a quote about how much she likes wine but not your whining I was getting pretty tired of that particular hilarious statement vehicle. 

And this is exactly why I love the internet. Within 2 hours a buddy of mine (and yes, he was an internet friend to start although we have hugged it out in person since we've met) had given me exactly what I needed.

He then gave you all the power you need to put a little Oswald in your internet. He shared his template and his secret sauce on Facebook

So now you can feel free to go out and make your own Oswald meme. 

And apparently you can even go out and do it on the go with your iPhone. If you do anything really fun with it, please share in the comments.

P.S. - Big thanks to my pal Greg for taking this meme in the German direction.