My favorite excuse

My kids have a ton of excuses.

"It was like that when I got here." 

"I didn't know I wasn't supposed to wipe my <insert noun> on the <insert noun>." 

"The unicorn did it."

My absolute favorite, however, has to be "But he told me to!" And this has to be my absolute favorite because it has never ever once been a legitimate answer.

"But he told me to!"
I find it hard to believe that he asked you to do something that would lead to his crying and bleeding.

"But he told me to!"
Does he have compromising photos of you or something?

"But he told me to!"
But you haven't listened to anything I've said in weeks.

"But he told me to!"
Too bad he didn't tell you to clean your room.

"But he told me to!"
Maybe after this one he'll tell you that excuse never works, has never worked, and will never work.

So long as kids refuse to learn things as simple as trying out some original excuses, we as adults don't need to worry about them taking over the world.

Now if we could only defend ourselves from the unicorns.