Friday, January 28, 2011


I've had kids for a while now, and one thing that has always cracked me up is their total self-centeredness. No matter the situation, the only thing that matters is them. They don't even worry about the future. If it isn't happening for them right that second, it doesn't even exist. That's why kids throw so many fits: they don't fear future repercussions.

No cupcake right now? Haven't turned Backyardigans on within 5 seconds of when I first realized I wanted to watch it? I'm invoking the nuclear option. And why? Because I refuse to recognize that acting like a moron and embarassing you in front of the whole Awana Club is going to have any consequences that are more important than your total inability to make chicken nuggets and a toy magically appear during church.

One fun off-shoot of this total disinterest in everything that isn't the child in question is their interest in watching themselves do things. Tell a kid to hold still for a picture, and before you can even initialize the camera on your phone they'll  be in your lap asking to look at it.  This also leads to them trying to see themselves in anything reflective. Mirrors, TVs, ovens, glossy fridges, anything.

Even dishwashers. Even naked. Even while singing "Jingle Bells."

That's my 3 year old entertaining himself (and to be honest, entertaining me) a lot. A lot of people will probably frown on me posting pictures of one of my kids in a state of relative undress because of the threat of online predators. While that is probably smart and responsible, I'm going to do it anyway for the following reasons.

  • It's f'ing hilarious.

  • It doesn't really show anything dicey.

  • I refuse to concede to that particular lowest common denominator.

  • He has the least-attractive butt in the family (full disclosure: I didn't consider myself when coming to that conclusion.

  • It's f'ing hilarious. Seriously. Go watch it again.

So, there you go. Have a good weekend staring at my kid's butt in a totally non-creepy way.

And keep your selfish kids safe.

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