Thursday, March 21, 2013

An Open Letter to my Man Parts

Dearest Ballbag & Surrounding Area,

I sit here writing this on the day before my Vasectomy. First let me just point out the fact that I am actually sitting. Comfortably. On a wooden chair. I don’t think I will have this opportunity for the next week or so to be comfortable on wood. But I digress…

Anyway, I’m not sure really where to start on this. This day has been in the works since Oliver was born. Like most things in my past, I’ve procrastinated this (arguably too long). However instead of putting you off like some paper in college where my grade might reflect the lack of effort and last minute rush, procrastination of this event has rendered my wife prego with our 4th kid and will no doubt be reflected on our bank account. However, I have to think you (and the man upstairs) had bigger and better plans for me than a mere 3 kids. I am going to trust that and go with it.

I am not one to dwell on the past or look back on things. However, I do think an event such as this warrants some retrospect. We have been through a lot together. Not too many close calls, zipper incidents, or blunt force applied. It has been a good time for the most part. Way to go.

 I would like to also thank you for your seemingly relentless reproductive qualities. It’s a really redeeming quality about you and I am sorry for removing it. My kids are really awesome and I appreciate you making some of the best genes this side of the Mississippi. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be a dad and have had all the experiences that come along with that.

I’d also like to take this time to briefly thank the NCAA for creating March Madness. I will be a basketball expert by the end of the weekend.

Your Buddy,


P.S. Let's hope this goes better than Jamie's did. He still walks with a limp.

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