New Years Edition

Well after last week's onslaught of posts we took some time off to reflect on 2011 and prepare for the year ahead (2012 if you were wondering). We came to the realization that all the good sites have already done their top 10's and it would dumb for us to do something like that. So as we close the door to 2011 we have some reflections on the year, but mostly want to look forward to 2012.

2011 in no particular order:

• The State of Minnesota closed for awhile
• Arnold Schwarzenegger fathered a kid with a maid and his marriage ended. Maria Shriver is still very thin.
• The last Harry Potter was released in Theaters. I watched it in an actual movie theater with my wife. It was like a date. We had popcorn and diet soda.
• US & Japan Womans World Cup Final was one of the most entertaining sporting events in the last decade. It was an incredible game even if the US lost. Hope Solo is still hot.

• Steve Jobs - RIP
• Gadhafi & Osama Bin Laden are killed after years and years of killing and pissing people off.
• St. Louis Cardinals win the World Series. Game 6 of the series is deemed the best World Series game ever unless you live in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. 
• To keep with the topic of STL baseball, God talked Albert Pujols to signing a contract for $250 million dollars with the Los Angeles Angles of Anaheim Baseball. Now every time Albert's heart beats for the next 10 years it will cost the Angels $8* (*Assuming an avg HR of 60)

Image via www.JoeSportsFan.com

Ok I think that's it for 2011. There was some other stuff that happened but i think that's a good snap shot. Now some future aspirations for 2012 from the both of us:

• We would like to monetize this damn blog. Someone please help us. We don't like our real jobs enough to want to do them forever.
• Become more attractive
• Lose a combined 50lbs. We are the sum of our parts or something like that.
• Grill more pork
• Wrestle a bear or get a Wii (either or, but not both)
• Make more money. Like serious money. You know like Ballin'/Makin' it Rain Money. Or if we could just get a significant discount on Daycare that would be nice.
• Review more Beer. We got away from that after Pumpkin Beer Season.
• Question more Authority.
• Teach our kids more about Star Wars and other life lessons

Thats it. We had a blast this year writing about stuff and are shocked we got over 10,000 views at our crap. Thank you all for reading, commenting, and spreading the SFA word. 

- John & Jamie

Birds of War Follow Up

This is going to be a short catch-up post.

Did you know that birds are the rabbits of the skies (and the lions of the skies, and the foxy ladies of the skies - truth be told, not much else owning the skies, so the birds have to shoulder a lot of responsibilities)? And by this I mean they produce multiple sets offspring every year?

A while ago I documented how some had taken control of my old grill, which led to my new grill (which brings me a tremendous amount of happiness), but left me with an oversized bird's nest on my patio? It had been a while, so I assumed those young ones were no longer so young and had moved on. I was wrong. Last night while firing up my new grill, I opened the old one to see if the Birdie McFlyer family had moved on, but there was a new set of gaping maws looking at me. Apparently my sister will have to wait a little longer for her hand-me-down, and I'll have to wait a little longer to have my patio back.

Vermin from above

Being Decent Finally Pays Off

As you may recall, a few weeks ago I lost the use of a dear friend in a fit of compassion (What's that you say? You don't recall? Well look right here.). At the time I was disappointed that after a few thousand years of being removed from the meat production process I no longer had the necessary chops to provide for my brood, but was really mostly depressed because it meant I was going to have to go a summer without grilling or at least grilling easily.

 As part of my conceding some adorable baby birds deserved a shot at growing up to poop on things, my wife assured me a new grill would be in my future. With that, I started fantasy shopping about several new models, and I had some very basic criteria.

1. I wanted it to look pretty. I'm trying to get my patio together, and while my old grill was functional, it wasn't very attractive to anything but a family of birds.


2. I had to have a solution that would heat up quickly so I could grill during the weak with our schedule, I've only got about an hour and 15 minutes to cook, feed, and clean the kids before bedtime. This pretty much ruled out a charcoal grill.


3. I needed something bigger. On my current grill, I just didn't have enough room to cook enough food to feed my whole family at once.


4. It needed to be movable. I want to store it next to the house, but I need to be able to pull it away before lighting it. The new patch of siding on the back of the house gives testament to the lesson I learned last Father's Day.

This weekend, the piper finally got paid and I got a shiny new grill for Father's Day.


We like the shiny. We'd also like our patio to look like this (it does not currently).

I looked into some gas/charcoal combos but couldn't find any that were reviewed very well and ultimately decided that if I needed to do charcoal I could use my firepit but that this bad boy (with nearly twice the grilling surface of my old one) would work out fantastically. I also liked that this one included a vegetable steamer you could put in or take out (I recognize it's a gimmick, but if I recognize that I don't have to feel like a rube) and as we all know I like to get my health on (or at least like to feel I have the option to get my health on, knowing full-well that before too long I'll be trying to steam bacon in there).

This grill did admittedly have mixed reviews (which would normally put me off) but most of the reviews were about how hard it was to put together. Since I was going to buy it already assembled, I didn't care, and I felt OK with the rest of the write-ups I saw.

After having cooked one meal on it (which included fresh veggies, hot dogs, brats, and a couple of Daddy Day porterhouses) I'm pretty stinking happy so far. It got up to temperature in no time, it responded to my temperature changes, it had all sorts of room for me to use, and the food turned out great, which is no small feat for me. Also, since it was hugely discounted, I got to get an insanely expensive grill for a moderately ridiculous price, which is always nice (I like to know how rich people feel sometimes. Sue me. That'll just give me something else to check off of my faux-rich guy bucket list).

Final grades: The grill gets a Cuban with Smoked Provolone, those birds get a Cuban with Swiss, and the store experience gets a Reuben (the guy was a little weird, and they didn't have the cover I wanted).

Humanity vs. Dinner

We here at the Suburban Father Alliance take our grillin' seriously. It's not just about making food -- it's about being manly, providing for our families, taking on the elements. With grillin', like with every other manly pursuit, our tools are important to us. I've been using the same grill for 7 years. It's been through 2 apartments, 2 houses,  9 roommates and approximately 1,500 lbs of dry chicken. I know how long it takes to warm up, I know where the hotspots are, I know how much beer to pour on my veggies to keep them lubed up and not burned.

Unfortunately nature joined forces with the humanity of my wife and kids to prevent a successful 8th barbecue season for me and my grill. On Monday of Memorial Day, I had marinated the pork. I had cut up my veggies. I had my grill potatoes prepped and ready to go. And when I opened the lid to my grill I ran into the wrong hungry mouths.

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="374" caption="Oh sure, they start out looking like this."][/caption]

I'm not the sort of man who would burn off a nestful of baby birds just so I could overcook some pork. I will totally admit to at least considering it, but since the family was outside, even if I had wanted to seriously consider it, it just wasn't in the cards. On the plus side, I had just scored a firepit the week before and had some wood in reserve, so I got to go all caveman on it and cook up a monster dinner on some open flames. Actually turned out pretty well. I was an Eagle Scout, dammit.

 

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600" caption="But then they start eating all of our delicious horses."][/caption]

The scorecard at the end of the day? A family of birds have a home for the summer. My sister will probably get an old/new grill at the end of the summer. And a little birdie told me I may be getting a grill upgrade for Father's Day.