Friday, October 21, 2011

Bachelor Party Preview

Following a summer which included a fraternity anniversary tour, I'm heading to a bachelor party this weekend in Nashville. While this is technically a two day expedition, I'll only be heading down for Saturday night. What can I say? Between blowing all of my reserve allowance at the fraterversary and having a youth sports commitment on Friday night I'll be driving my own happy butt to Tennessee on Saturday morning.

To help psyche myself up, I thought I'd fondly recall some of my favorite bachelor party memories for you all here.

Actually that's a terrible idea (and that isn't even taking the statute of limitations implications into account). Instead I'll just list 10 stupid things I promise not to do this weekend.

  1. Drive to the bars. My car will stay under lock and key at the hotel from the moment I arrive.
  2. Drink Jagermeister. Unless of course it is dropped into a glass of Red Bull.
  3. Dance.
  4. Go all night without making up an absolutely audacious lie to at least one complete stranger for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
  5. Sleep in a hotel room containing fewer than 4 other dudes.
  6. Fantasize that I'm going to spend less than 30 minutes Sunday morning throwing up. 
  7. Pretend for even one minute that I'm in a bachelor party movie.
  8. Say "What happens in Nashville stays in Nashville, brah."
  9. Eat a Panera Bread breakfast sandwich on my way home.
  10. Keep anything from my wife (although she is sworn to secrecy).
And to think that some of you were worried about me.
Wearing this t-shirt is also on my to-don't list.


  1. nice list Jamie. No. 5 is right on. There's nothing quite like the awkward weeding out / profiling / analysis that goes into selecting hotel bunkmates: Lots of factors: snoring decibels; likelihood of vomiting / urination; smell levels; chance that they'll do something you to while your sleeping; etc. Also, I would add to the list the random ATM receipts ("What was I doing at 3:37 a.m.?!) found the next day--and no corresponding cash. Watch out for that.

  2. Thanks, Tom. If I were a spirit less dependent on formality I would publish the email string that tried sorting out bunkmates. Suffice it to say that all of your concerns have been brought up, and everyone is just going to stay as they lay anyway.