To help psyche myself up, I thought I'd fondly recall some of my favorite bachelor party memories for you all here.
Actually that's a terrible idea (and that isn't even taking the statute of limitations implications into account). Instead I'll just list 10 stupid things I promise not to do this weekend.
- Drive to the bars. My car will stay under lock and key at the hotel from the moment I arrive.
- Drink Jagermeister. Unless of course it is dropped into a glass of Red Bull.
- Go all night without making up an absolutely audacious lie to at least one complete stranger for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
- Sleep in a hotel room containing fewer than 4 other dudes.
- Fantasize that I'm going to spend less than 30 minutes Sunday morning throwing up.
- Pretend for even one minute that I'm in a bachelor party movie.
- Say "What happens in Nashville stays in Nashville, brah."
- Eat a Panera Bread breakfast sandwich on my way home.
- Keep anything from my wife (although she is sworn to secrecy).
And to think that some of you were worried about me.
Wearing this t-shirt is also on my to-don't list.