Monday, March 5, 2012

The "Rise" of the mini-bar.

Been doing a fair bit of traveling lately, and I've pretty much run the gamut of hotels. I've stayed in nice places (they kind where they organize your toiletries when they clean your room) and some not-so-nice (literally had two physical keys I had to use to get into my room). The not-so-nice hotels are often scary, but occasionally you'll find something in a nice hotel that is also frightening.

When I first checked into the MGM Grand in Vegas, my buddy Dallas gave me the hot tip that I should be sure to check out the price list on my mini bar, specifically the $30 item towards the end of the list.

Yep, intimacy kit. I assumed it had to be hot, since it was located (tastefully) in the fridge.

Looking at the contents, though (just the ones listed on the outside of the box -- I'm strictly anti-mini-bar) provided a whole new set of issues.

  • Tickling feather - When I get down to tickling, I can't imagine being able to work with anything that would have fit into that box. Does the feather fold up? Does it extend, is it just 4 inches long? Doesn't seem to have enough.
  • Desire dice - Dice? In Vegas? Sounds risky. Fortunately that will be mitigated by...
  • Condoms - Probably a great addition, but it being in the fridge makes me think of two potential problems. One, I'm assuming that heating and cooling and reheating latex would hurt its structural integrity. Two, shrinkage.
  • Intimate Oils - I find it a little odd that they branded the whole box based on the last of the ingredients, but that tells me these oils are REALLY intimate. Probably not intimate enough to get me a fifth kid, but intimate nonetheless.
Being alone in Vegas, I obviously didn't buck up for this little marvel, but even with mate in tow I doubt I'd have bucked up. The $30 probably would have lasted me longer at the penny slots.

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