Dude's Guide to Fake Holidays

If you are like me, you haven't bought anything for your wife/girlfriend/partner/whatever for Valentine's Day yet. If you have, your "other" has already hand picked it out and told you to buy it. Sound about right? Well for the majority of us that don't have anything already, didn't pay attention to the clues our wives has subtly dropped since Christmas, and work best under pressure: this post is for you. I am going to attempt to give you some good, last minute gift ideas that you can take care of this weekend.

First off, if you don't pay attention to anything else I say, GET A CARD. Yes its common sense but its overlooked constantly. I think it took me at least 2 years after getting married to understand that no matter what the holiday was that a card goes a long way. Yes, most of them are poorly written and have lots of swirly flowers on them but its the effort that counts. Also, take 5 minutes to actually write something in the card besides your name. Chances are you won't be able to compete with the carefully crafted, sappy poem on the inside, but more than likely your better half isn't going to expect a dissertation on your undying love. Just class it up a little better than this guy. This is easy and is worth more points than you can imagine.

As for gifts, Its probably too late to buy anything online and have it shipped unless you are willing to pay for overnight delivery. Plus, that's too easy. Its about the effort.  So after reading this, get off the computer and hit the pavement.

The gift of Text - I don't care who you are shopping for, but everyone could use a book. Whether your wife likes to cook, decorate, or play Dungeons & Dragons there's a book out there for her. Being that my mother-in-law works for Barnes & Noble, I prefer that store over the others. Also, one of the hottest gifts out there is an eReader. Barnes & Noble has the Nook. It looks awesome and you can have around 10,000 books or magazines at your disposal. Ahem, if any B&N folks are reading this, we would love to review the product for you, ahem.

The gift of Booze - I would like to think I have a good grasp on our demographic here, and I would wager a guess that 95% of you enjoy the devil's brew. So, why not give booze as a gift? I'm not talking about a 6'er of Natty, but a nice bottle of wine or liquor. If you haven't figured out your eternal drinking buddy's favorite bottle, I can't help you. Howeverr there is a win-win scenario for you with this gift. You get to make someone happy (win) and get buzzed (win) at the same time.

The gift of Clean - This one is so simple. Unless you already have a live-in maid, your house is dirty... somewhere. My wife is very particular about how things get cleaned in our house. I have recently been granted my Bathroom badge, but I still can't do the job that she does. That being said, I shed a lot and she gets tired of cleaning. So, if your wife is burnt out on cleaning, call up a maid service and have them get to work. If your house is already clean, her car isn't, guaranteed. Take 20 minutes and run it up to a car wash and be sure to vacuum the inside.

That's 3 easy ideas that will put you in a better position when March Madness (i don't know how to put the copyright symbol here) comes around. Now this being a blog on the internet I couldn't finish this article without giving out at least 1 internet based idea. So, consider this last idea your ace in the hole if you need it.

The gift of Produce - I am legitimately upset I didn't think of this. Fruit My Cube is a weekly service you can sign up for. For $9.99/week you get fresh fruit delivered to your home or office. Its a great way to give someone a year-round reminder of how awesome they are. Disclaimer: this site only services close to St. Louis, MO but I bet there are others like it. If not, you can pay me royalties for giving you the idea for your new business.

Have any other ideas for the Wayward Man? We'd love to hear them in the comments section. This is an alliance after all and we are here to help each other out.

-S