Turkey Rant

Every year about this time I get fed up... with Christmas. You mean the holiday that comes AFTER Thanksgiving and it's not even Thanksgiving yet? Yes, that one. What gets my gravy boiling is the opening of stores on Thanksgiving Day,the most family friendly day of the year. It pulls people away from their families and completely nullifies the entire spirit of the Holidays.

I was at my in-laws last night and the topic came up. See, my Mother-in-law works part-time at Barnes & Noble in a mall. She sees it every year and luckily B&N is closed on Thanksgiving. However, opening the next day at 5am isn't much of a consolation prize for the workers. So during our conversation last night a great point was made by my Mother-in-law. If the customers wouldn't fall for these limited time deals, stores wouldn't have to open. And that was just it... The stores can only be blamed so much for being open, having no morals, and not caring for their employees' families. If consumers wouldn't act like brainless neanderthals when trying to save an extra buck, would the stores be open? And God forbid, what if no one lined up outside a store?

So it got me thinking, Why do people act like complete idiots, disregarding family, budget, and (sometimes) physical well-being to get a "deal"?

• Is it our innate hunter-gatherer make up? Doubtful, we are aren't getting a deal on a Turkey and our families typically have enough food in the pantry to get by. 
• Do we actually need what we are buying? No. At the end of the day, and if your TV goes out in April, you'll just buy another TV. You won't wait until November.

So what is it? Well, I think it's a bunch of stuff that I'm sure a psychiatrist could better explain, but in lay terms, it comes to two things:

1. Some people strive on competition. They have to be the best of the best when it comes to certain things. They live for the rush of beating someone to the finish line, or iPad in this scenario. If they could just get the same rush from hanging out with loved ones...
2. People like to brag about how much more awesome they think they are than you. So, while you were schlepping it and playing cards with your family after Thanksgiving dinner, somebody way cooler than you was out getting a deal on a Kindle and will then have no problems posting it on Facebook to prove their awesomeness.

So there you have it. If I offended anyone by suggesting that spending time away from your family and in-turn making people work on your behalf is a bad thing, so be it and enjoy your new TV.

Dude's Guide to Fake Holidays

If you are like me, you haven't bought anything for your wife/girlfriend/partner/whatever for Valentine's Day yet. If you have, your "other" has already hand picked it out and told you to buy it. Sound about right? Well for the majority of us that don't have anything already, didn't pay attention to the clues our wives has subtly dropped since Christmas, and work best under pressure: this post is for you. I am going to attempt to give you some good, last minute gift ideas that you can take care of this weekend.

First off, if you don't pay attention to anything else I say, GET A CARD. Yes its common sense but its overlooked constantly. I think it took me at least 2 years after getting married to understand that no matter what the holiday was that a card goes a long way. Yes, most of them are poorly written and have lots of swirly flowers on them but its the effort that counts. Also, take 5 minutes to actually write something in the card besides your name. Chances are you won't be able to compete with the carefully crafted, sappy poem on the inside, but more than likely your better half isn't going to expect a dissertation on your undying love. Just class it up a little better than this guy. This is easy and is worth more points than you can imagine.

As for gifts, Its probably too late to buy anything online and have it shipped unless you are willing to pay for overnight delivery. Plus, that's too easy. Its about the effort.  So after reading this, get off the computer and hit the pavement.

The gift of Text - I don't care who you are shopping for, but everyone could use a book. Whether your wife likes to cook, decorate, or play Dungeons & Dragons there's a book out there for her. Being that my mother-in-law works for Barnes & Noble, I prefer that store over the others. Also, one of the hottest gifts out there is an eReader. Barnes & Noble has the Nook. It looks awesome and you can have around 10,000 books or magazines at your disposal. Ahem, if any B&N folks are reading this, we would love to review the product for you, ahem.

The gift of Booze - I would like to think I have a good grasp on our demographic here, and I would wager a guess that 95% of you enjoy the devil's brew. So, why not give booze as a gift? I'm not talking about a 6'er of Natty, but a nice bottle of wine or liquor. If you haven't figured out your eternal drinking buddy's favorite bottle, I can't help you. Howeverr there is a win-win scenario for you with this gift. You get to make someone happy (win) and get buzzed (win) at the same time.

The gift of Clean - This one is so simple. Unless you already have a live-in maid, your house is dirty... somewhere. My wife is very particular about how things get cleaned in our house. I have recently been granted my Bathroom badge, but I still can't do the job that she does. That being said, I shed a lot and she gets tired of cleaning. So, if your wife is burnt out on cleaning, call up a maid service and have them get to work. If your house is already clean, her car isn't, guaranteed. Take 20 minutes and run it up to a car wash and be sure to vacuum the inside.

That's 3 easy ideas that will put you in a better position when March Madness (i don't know how to put the copyright symbol here) comes around. Now this being a blog on the internet I couldn't finish this article without giving out at least 1 internet based idea. So, consider this last idea your ace in the hole if you need it.

The gift of Produce - I am legitimately upset I didn't think of this. Fruit My Cube is a weekly service you can sign up for. For $9.99/week you get fresh fruit delivered to your home or office. Its a great way to give someone a year-round reminder of how awesome they are. Disclaimer: this site only services close to St. Louis, MO but I bet there are others like it. If not, you can pay me royalties for giving you the idea for your new business.

Have any other ideas for the Wayward Man? We'd love to hear them in the comments section. This is an alliance after all and we are here to help each other out.

-S